When The Levee Breaks

Based on: Stories from the Jukebox

Prompt: Unused Prompt 10 “ When The Levee Breaks” by Led Zeppelin

“The thoughts could be complex,” Dylan mused. “They compliment the arrangement quite well. Quite the situation they demonstrate.” Dylan looked around the sparse room he had not left for the last 10 years. His perfectly made bed, the washroom facilities and a table and chair all spoke to the simplicity of his life. He picked up his ipod, the only other thing in the room besides him and fingered the controls, sending the cursor back to the beginning of the song.

“Lives are meant to be lived,” reflected Dylan, “but sometimes that living falls into a far deeper, personal category.” Dylan thought about the erosion that had occurred in his life. His thoughts wandered. “How did I get to this point? ” He paused as other parts started to come forward. He hadn’t ever reminisced about those other parts before. This was what confused him. He was sure the analysts could trace a clear path from one event to the other. At this point those points were beyond his comprehension. “Why are they in my mind?” he wondered. “Are they real?” He wasn’t sure. They joined the others, rotating on the spinning wheel in his mind. In some ways he supposed having these thoughts were helpful but really when you are living it day to day and have decisions to make, you don’t have much time for the thoughts that occur later. “Solving the problem will just bring on another problem,” he frowned at this thought.

Dylan hummed along to the song playing on the ipod, trying to determine how his current thinking could be fixed as the music moved him. “Could it be fixed?” he wondered. “Maybe the answer is to stop thinking about the past and just live. But then why do all these thoughts keep returning? That is the real question.”

And then there was the seepage into other areas of his life. Those other areas too would have to be fixed. It was just one more thing but they seemed to be piling up.

He sighed audibly.

“Structural weaknesses,” he murmured. He had detected that his life had developed many structural weaknesses over the years. He always thought they were out of his control. Even now the acceptance of those events as being part of who he was they still had a strong meaning. Control was not always a given.

“I always wanted to be the son that my father wanted,” he said quietly.”But it could never happen. My thoughts and his thoughts, they never lined up.” Dylan took some time to explore this point. “The thing is,” he reflected after a bit of time, “I still look for acceptance even though he died long ago.”

“Maybe this is where the problem lies,” he continued. “I have never really been myself.”

The rapid flooding of words and events from long ago were pounding like waves during a thunderstorm. “They are destroying my self confidence,” he observed. “Everyone I talk to can see the self confidence I display.” He looked out the window. “It is all a facade, a front I put on to be social. It’s not me. My thoughts and direction are useless in group settings. They wander far and wide. Where will it stop? Can it stop?” He paused as he wondered, “Is it okay to have thoughts separate from what society expects?”

As Dylan looked around a room he could no more leave this facility than he could ever have left his parents house all those years ago. The hardships carried were deep and scar ridden. “It was a disaster waiting to happen everyday. It was a refuge and it was turmoil. It was what I knew, and yes,” he thought out loud, “a safety net. A damned if you do, damned if you don’t moment that turned into his life.”

There was a knock on his door. “Enter,” he called.

“Good morning Dylan,” called the cheerful voice. “Time for your medicine.”

“Good morning, Alexia,” he replied as she handed him a paper cup and some water.

“The doctor will be in to see you later. A reminder that you have a meeting at 11 am with your social worker.

“Excellent. Thank you,” he replied before downing the tablets with a swig of water. “Later,” he said.

“Bye Dylan,” Alexia said as she closed the door.

“Everything about this place has been helpful,” Dylan reflected “They keep telling me the levee will be broken someday. I have to learn to let it all go.” He paused as the song repeated itself on the ipod. “Somehow I have to break through the levee, swim through the rising waters, and make a clean break of it. They say the grass is greener on the other side.“ He pondered this interesting phrase for a minute.

“Everyday is another journey,” he mumbled as he sat back, closed his eyes and lost himself in his music.